Say someone’s birthday is coming up. Someone with brown hair, brown eyes, around 5′ 4” who reads a lot of books and writes about Disney. This person — this lady — also loves the Muppets and wishes they would show up at special occasions, or for just any reason at all. (The door is always open to the Muppets!)
But after watching a good amount of The Muppet Show over the course of a few Saturday mornings, she realized there might be SOME Muppets that wouldn’t make the top guest list. You know for some weddings, the couple has two lists: one of the people they definitely want there and the second for people they also want to invite but might not have room for intially. If people from the first list decline, people from the second list are then invited. It is also known as:
So while this birthday girl hates to single out any of the Muppets and make them feel unwelcome, there are a few she would think twice about before inviting to a party. And here they are:
Animal: I think this choice seems a bit obvious. Animal is out of control, and a womanizer. Could I trust him in my own home or in an establishment? Would my lady friends appreciate a pink Muppet hitting on them constantly? I’m not so sure.
Crazy Harry: Well, he’d be sure to make the party DYNAMITE. (ha ha) Harry has an obsession with fire and has a reputation of blowing up sets on The Muppet Show for years. Frankly, I never want to see his face because that just means DANGER for everyone.
Thog: He may be a talented dancer, and look oh so adorable and cuddly but he is VERY large. If the party was in my apartment, I would basically have room for only him… unless he wanted to double as a chair. This makes me feel terrible. But I would surely meet him for coffee another time.
Sam the Eagle: Imagine a walking version of the Hall of Presidents. It’s the place you go to take a mini-snooze or enjoy the air conditioning… yet (as a presidential geek myself) I do enjoy the stories and watching all the Presidents on stage. It can be moving. But… at a party? Maybe with a few drinks Sam might be able to let loose and be a party animal? Hey, it’s possible.
Lew Zealand: He may be a sweet guy (very generous with his fish) but we can’t have fish being thrown around like boomerangs. One burning question about this guy: does he smell good??
Wayne and Wanda: Everyone likes a loving couple but these two can’t seem to get anything right. In fact, all of their sweet moments turn into disasters. Do I want to deal with that kind of anxiety? (Although they could provide great entertainment…)
Big Mean Carl: As if his name doesn’t say it all… but he EATS BUNNIES. And (like Sarah of Running at Disney pointed out), you can’t invite Big Mean Carl if you invite Bean Bunny (which I will most CERTAINLY be doing).
Season 1 The Muppet Show Gonzo: Truth time. He scares me a lot. His character is only a figment of what we know now. He’s creepy and his voice is scratchy and he seems more like a gnat than a Muppet you want to be friends with. (Don’t worry… it gets better.)
What do you think? Would your B-List of Muppets look similar? Or am I being too hard on these guys?
(All images from Muppet Wiki.)